What In God’s Tarnation Is A Virtual Assistant?

And what is God’s tarnation?
Okay, here’s the deal- A Virtual Assistant is an assistant that helps you out virtually… (long pause… silence… blank stare and dumb expression…)
No, I am sure that’s not the answer you where looking for. Seriously though, a virtual assistant is basically a real live person who can pretty much accomplish any task that a secretary or any other employee can do without having to commit a large budget and overhead for full time/part time annual salaries, health insurance,  benefits and tax headaches. Virtual Assistants are considered “independent contractors” who can actually save you tons of money by forgoing the hiring of various positions or department heads. By using one or more virtual assistants to “wear a bunch of your company hats”, you win brownie points with your corporation, your  spouse and your tax guy because normally  that great “sucking noise” of huge amounts of profit loss and time consuming maintenance is no longer there.
In today’s economy, downsizing is  an important business solution to cut away excessive and wasteful spending and keep a company from becoming an obsolete logo on a letterhead. With the right virtual assistant who has multiple talents, skills and the right technology in place, you could still afford that European vacation at the end of the year. The right virtual assistant can seriously not only add money to your bottom line, but add time to your days and precious sleep to your nights! Yes, a virtual assistant is the answer to all of life’s woes… well, maybe that’s taking it a little too far.

But okay, you are a real go getter, a hard working, lean, mean, money generating machine… if only you can duplicate yourself? Where’s a clone when you need one? Bingo! That’s what having the right virtual assistant should be to you! You can’t do everything. There’s not enough time in the day, coffee in the cup or space in the cubicle to do all the necessary things you need to do. You need someone to do the mundane tasks like updating your Facebook or Twitter company page to announce your new special pricing deals. You even might need someone to assist you with incredible daring business risks like prepping and sending a virtual assistant for your company to China on a businees trip that you just can’t do for some odd reason. Yes, you need a virtual assistant to come to your rescue. A super hero of sorts. Yea… But maybe… all you need is just a sidekick? Cause you really need to be the one looking like the invincible guy in a cape to your company.

Well, I got jackpot lottery winning type news for you. Wala, here we are! Creator Graphics and a bag a chips, at you virtual assistance service at an incredible, affordable and doable price.

Presenting Creator Graphics and the people that will perhaps, save your company, save your marriage and save you from that long overdue heart attack you been overworking for…

As a virtual assistant, here is a brief list of the various tasks that we can do along with the technology, wits and grace to help perform these tasks:

1. Customer Service With A Smile— Whatever the customer service issues are, there is a better solution than screaming back at them, “!@#$%^& , THEN I”LL SEE YOU IN COURT, YOU BLEEPEDY BLEEP BLEEP!”. By installing us as a virtual assistant to be that safe “buffer zone” between you and that customer with outrageous entitlement issues, you might just keep your suit on… and lawsuits off! We could even develop an online ticketing system for your clients to ask questions or get assistance and as the  power vested to us as your virtual assistant, all your client concerns and questions can be our headache, not yours. Or you might need to produce documents real fast “out of thin air” to clients or customers that you don’t have the time or clue  how to produce otherwise because of too much “stuff”on your proverbial plate. Give us the power to write a letter addressing an issue that sounds like you really care and yet is professional and almost legal sounding to halt a really bad day from occurring. As a virtual assistant, we promise that anything that’s bigger than our expertise or experience will fall back to you… so you don’t have to worry that we’re gonna trade all of the company stocks in order to be in a better tax bracket at the end of the year… kinda like sinking a boat as a way to fix the leaks. In other words, whatever limited power you give us with your clients and customer base as your VA, we promise we’ll behave. We want to stay on your side at all times… because after all, you’re suppose to be hiring us as a “Virtual Assistant” and not as an abbreviated version of it, like “Virtual Ass”.

2. Document Preparation — Again, whether editing, formatting, proofreading or actually creating  an entire document from scratch, as your Virtual Assistant we can do these tasks expertly and without the strong emotions you are feeling at the moment. Being buried alive in paperwork is a bad way to live… and a good way to die. However, you can forget about dangers of paper cuts with a virtual assistant at your side. So however you desire to interface with us, whether you send your document requests to us by voice, or you send them over as a rough draft with bullet points, just don’t stress out and put a bullet in your head. There is no reason why we cannot handle most document preparation and delivery for you, as you you need it. It can be done via email, by telephone or even IN PERSON (yes, virtually taking the “virtual” out of a virtual assistant) or by using collaboration tools such as Google Docs, Drop Box, or a a hundred free open source project management systems out there.

3. Marketing & Design — If you not are marketing your business online then you are either Amish or…hmmm, how can I  say this tactfully without hurting your feelings… or your dumb… or maybe, just coming out of a 25 year coma… yea, that’s gotta be it… but whatever the case may be, you definitely need to thaw out the stone age mentality and think outside the box… and become one with the omnipresent and omniscient internet.  As you’re virtual assistant, we can take even the the most pathetically small company and make it look bigger than the Beetles… were. With the right marketing campaign and a full glossy stock brochure, we can take a company on the verge of bankruptcy and make them look like they’re the next big thing to invest in. That’s right! Most companies that actually take off are little guys with a big idea… and a handful of nicely done business cards. Marketing and design are key to at the very least, “appearing successful”… even if you aren’t yet! So don’t be too stingy on the “presentation” aspect of your business… here in the good ol US of A, it’s still about “image” and “appearances” even if it is, culturally “more shallow than a mud puddle”.

4. Administrative Tasks — As your virtual assistant, we can do a variety of tasks such as managing your calendar, appointments, contacts, arranging travel meetings, data entry, research and even being a liaison or representative to your company by doing the presentation for you… In fact, we’ll do anything you want us to do as long as it doesn’t include pitchforks, baseball bats or long pointy knifes. If it’s legal, ethical, God honoring and full of human decency, then, we’ll do it for you. We have an exhaustive  amount of software technology and resources to streamline your administrative functions. We can diagnose your leaks and squeaks and bring efficiency back into your company’s integrity. As with all administrative duties, it may not be fun and fulfilling but they are needed. As your Virtual Assistant, we can do the boring stuff while you do the fun stuff without whining that “it’ not fair!”

5. Computer Stuff — Bill Gates opened a lot of gates and Steve Jobs created a lot of jobs and thats good for the economy… but who hasn’t ever wanted to take an axe to their desktop or fling their laptop off a high rise office complex? Computers, we love em, we hate em, we can’t live with em or without em these days. So we understand that to you a computer is suppose to be that “virtual assistant” who does all your menial or masterful tasks at hand… but the truth is, with computer viruses, hardware malfunction, software “user friendly” unfriendliness, network failures and too many programming languages to wrap your head around, you realize that you need a “real breathing” virtual assistant to  take care of your “digitally challenged” virtual assistant- computer systems. The heartache of losing a loved one is very painful… almost as painful as losing 20 years of data on a failed hard drive. As a virtual assistant, we can help eliminate some of  the grieving process of computer failure. As you instruct us, we can either take an ax to the desktop for you, or maybe try to fix and maintain that “stupid computer”, so that your genius can still shine before a flickering screen. We can bring new vitality to your creativity by allowing us to worry about registry errors and scheduling database backups.

Of course our skills and abilities extend further than this and so this list is not comprehensive by any means.

Closing Arguments For Why You Really Need Us To Be Your Virtual Assistant

Just think, instead of spending 20 to 30 hours a week doing tasks that do not fully show your greatness and your true potential as  head of your business, you can assign them to us as your “Virtual Assistant” which will free up your time to focus and do the tasks that you were created by God to do… (or if you are an atheist/evolutionist- by the pimple dot of all matter and energy that went big bang on the face of nothingness).
While your life might seem empty and meaningless because you don’t know why as the CEO of your company you find yourself shredding obsolete documents, bringing in Dunkin Donuts to your pathetically unmotivated Monday morning staff or trying to configure your email application to work consistently, you know you’d probably rise to “legendary leader” if you just hired the right virtual assistant who could do these things for you. That was a run on sentence, by the way. But we didn’t correct it just to show you one of the super powers of a virtual assistant to catch things like that.
So here we are, Creator Graphics, to give hope to your future and future to your hope. Blink, blink.
May you choose us wisely.
The End.
…Or the beginning of something truly incredible.